On Wednesday, I had to have my ferret Bandit put to sleep. I'm quite devastated. I've had him since he was 6 months old, and he has been such a wonderful little creature. He would be my comfort time and time again whenever the world exploded (which was a lot considering how I'm such an angsty little girl). Unfortunately, he just got too old and too sick. I keep trying to tell myself that it was for the best, that now he's not in pain anymore and he can just sleep.
But it's still really hard.
I keep reliving the vet's office. I dunno if I'm crazy for feeling really guilty because I didn't just let nature take its course. But I couldn't watch him dwindle away slowly. And yet I don't know if this was worse. I keep replaying when his head drooped down as the injection took effect. I keep noticing that he's not in his cage. I keep reminding myself to give him his medicine and then remembering that that doesn't apply anymore.
It feels like someone ripped a hole in my abdomen.
I know he was just a ferret and maybe I am crazy for being this devastated. But I've lost so much this year.

I knew it was inevitable. But it still sucks.
I miss him terribly.

PS dA is being screwy and won't let me change my mood. Needless to say, it's quite far from joy.